he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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