2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When are your genitals available?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
