Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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