ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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