I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
