i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize