A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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