So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize