the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
