well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
