Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize