I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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