We're like a lot better than the average bears
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize