I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
