So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
