Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
