She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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