you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
