I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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