I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
