Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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