i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
