omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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