dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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