I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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