Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
