The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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