My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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