I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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