he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
