Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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