Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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