During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
