shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize