i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
