see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
