i may or may not be watching the land before time
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
