I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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