SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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