pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
