Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize