I heard we made out
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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