How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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