i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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