I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
