i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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