Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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