Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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