We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
a search helicopter?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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