Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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