hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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