I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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