YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
this boner is exhausting
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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