pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
