can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Drake has all the answers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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