We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
