Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
