3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
