Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
